where i'm from.

I am from a world too large,
A town too small,
An ambition too big,
And a to-do list too tall.
From a past too dark,
And a future too bright,
And for where I am now,
A present that's just right.

I started from a house that didn't know quite where to start,
Where what we didn't have in money we made up for in heart,
Where absent-minded fathers loved teacher moms,
Where everybody was happy and everyone got along.
I am from this place full of happiness and love,
Where you had a shoulder to lean on when push came to shove,
Where we played all day and we played all night,
Where everything always just seemed right.

I am from make-believe and storytime and the land of pretend,
Where I am in my prime with which the World must contend.
Where I am the superhero, dashing to save the day,
Where you'll be my best friend, if only to play,
Where someone else's playset is my castle in the sky,
Where if you believe, surely you can fly,
Where nothing is impossible and impossible is nothing,
Where you can be anything as long as you're something.

But I am also from lies and secrets and the bad kind of pretend,
Which leaves us sleepless and tangles us in our webs.
Where the truth doesn't come as easy as it should,
And the bad news comes around more often than the good,
Where parents fight and words sting deep,
Where the only emotion you can feel is the feeling of defeat.
Where machines bleep and boop with their shiny outfits of chrome,
And a girl with her teddy bear stands all alone.

I am from change as swift as the wind
As the things in my life end as soon as they begin
As love dissolves and is replaced with a hole
When being broken feels like all we know.
But I am also from learning how to mend
Where sometimes all you need is just a good friend
Where hearts can be broken, but all you need is glue,
Repiece it back together, and you're as good as new.

I am from a puzzle, all the pieces laid out here,
Figure out where to put them and the picture will be clear,
A photo of where love is real, and choice is yours,
Where sadness may walk but happiness soars,
Where British hats are donned and tulips bloom,
Where laughter echoes throughout every room,
Where Rockstars abound and Monsters roam,
Where the place I am now is the place I call home.

I am from these images that flash through my head,
Of the laughter, the tears, the happiness, the dread.
Of when we were young and when we grew up,
Of that national academic award and that old purple sippy cup,
Of "back-in-the-days" and "remember when..." stories,
Of all our failures and all of our glories,
Of where we are now and where we were then,
And of how all of this things make me who I have been.

this is love, and love is real.

<3

this summer, i wanted to...

1) get my permit.
2) take driver's ed.
3) write. writewritewritewritewritewrite.
4) dye my hair.
5) read all the anime books that sam gave me.
6) actually use my deviantART for something.
7) go to the rockford rock quarry for a day.
8) ditto adventureland.
9) ditto lost island.
10) read several books on my "classic-literature" list, including the great gatsby, lord of the flies, catch-22, etc.
11) take decent pictures with my holga camera.[close enough!]
12) do an evil scheme.
13) spend a weekend camping with the posse.
14) go to at least one followed by ghosts show. [two.]
15) study for the ACTs.
16) start on NHD 2009!
17) actually decorate my room.
18) see as many of my friends as humanly possible.
19) survive.
and
20) have fun.

i didn't expect to...
21) find a little-known-about cemetary.
22) be a superhero running amok the ridges.
23) run through a beanfield with my best friends.
24) steal little kids' fishy masks and cakes at a carnival.
25) eat a watermelon in the middle of the street.
26) go on flasian hunts in various places.
27) see The Phantom of the Opera on Broadway =]
28) fall in love with an adorable little girl.
---->"i'm gonna be the princess, and daddy's gonna be the prince, and you - you can be the pumpkin!"
29) make the big chocolate chip cookie EVER [okay, a pretty big one.]
30) have the most interesting cab ride of my life.
---->"that stupid jewish girl! and then she goes and marries kevin federline, that stripper."
31) write some interesting song lyrics...
32) hate my time in North Dakota so much.
33) go to a tea party and end it by eating chinese food.
34) go on a picnic.
35) play capture the flag in the dead of night.
36) have to say a temporary goodbye to one of my very best friends. =[ <33333
37) cry so much.
38) laugh so much.
39) talk so much.
and
40) have potentially the best summer of my life so far.





<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

things i have forgotten lately:

1) yeah, what you did hurt.
but we all fuck-up sometimes.

2) sometimes thinking about it isn't the answer.
sometimes just living it is.

3) it really isn't any of my business.
at all.

4) two people can do the same wrong, and only one will be punished.
but just because you weren't punished doesn't mean that you weren't wrong.

5) i don't really know you.
so i really can't talk about you as if i do.

6) no one deserves to be left alone.
especially by those who promised that they would never leave to begin with.

7) trying is two-way street.
and sometimes you can't see the other car because it's simply just in your blind spot.

8) sometimes you just can't change the way things are.
you can only change how you look at them.

9) when it comes to being friends, it doesn't matter if you see things differently.
as long as you both see your friendship as the best thing of all.

10) let things change.
you'll never know what could happen unless you do.

jordan confession:

i need to be a better person.

suddenly everything has changed.

she said, "have you ever eaten at jimmy john's before?"
i said, "yes."
she doesn't remember that that's where we ate for my birthday last year.

she said, "how do you like school in cedar falls?"
i said, "i like it a lot."
she doesn't remember that i go to NU and not to the local high school.

she said, "have you seen that one movie, night at the musuem, yet?"
i said, "yup."
she doesn't remember that she and i watched it last time i visited.

she said, "so, do you have a boyfriend?"
i said, "nope."
she doesn't remember that i told her i had one and that we broke up.

she said, "where'd you get those shoes?"
i said, "von maur."
she doesn't remember that she and i bought them together a year ago there.

she said, "did you catch the last episode of american idol?"
i said, "no."
she doesn't remember that i stopped watching that show years ago.

she doesn't remember anything at all.
least of all, it seems like,
me.