so in about two hours, i will turn fifteen. i'm not really all that excited - fifteen isn't exactly that grand of an age to be. too young to declare your independence with a driver's liscense, yet too old to still be on a coast through life; now that you're on your way to becoming an adult, you have work to do. i guess i'm going to be sad to see fourteen go, though - these last fourteen years of my life have been good to me...mostly.
In the last fourteen years, I have
been born.
been part of a family.
been part of the most amazing friendship circle i could ever have been in
been (and still am in) my first ever romantic relationship
been sad to see my family divide, and splinter into several ungatherable pieces
been thrust into a new family, with new members
been moved
been blessed to meet amazing people who have forever altered the course of my life
been broken, lost, and wounded
been taped back up, found, and restitched
and most importantly,
in the last fourteen years of my life,
i have been loved.
i am forever grateful for that, and i always will be.
all in all, my life of fourteen years has been pretty good to me. so i guess the real question is...
what will 15 bring?
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
here i am, drawn out for the world to see.
Ten things you wish you could say to ten different people.
1) i thought i knew you, but i guess i really don't. what you did disgusts me.
2) i think we could be amazing friends; but i'm too scared of getting close only to be hurt.
3) thank you for being there. always. i love you. <3
4) sometimes, you don't think too well. c'mon. i'm leaving you enough hints, aren't i?
5) i thought we were best friends, but i guess not.
6) i would give anything to have you think about me more often than you actually do.
7) you're amazing the way you were, not the way you've become.
8) this may surprise you, but you are one of the first people who's actually cared in a long while.
9) sometimes, i miss you so much my heart wants to burst from hurting. i miss you.
10) i'm sorry.
Nine things about yourself.
1) i get nervous really easily.
2) when i get nervous, (which happens easily), my hands sweat a lot.
3) i've lost all my work drive this past year, and i now have nothing to fight for.
4) i used to dream of becoming an award-winning author, but then reality kicked in. i don't really have any dreams anymore.
5) i love having discussions with people; the feeling of two minds connecting powerfully is a moment i love.
6) i hate how superficial myspace and facebook make the world, yet i can't seem to pry myself from them anyway.
7) i'm kind of a romantic, which doesn't go over too well in these adolescent years, where everything is about sex or "getting some."
8) i'm a selfish person. i wish i gave more.
9) i cry a lot, and i'm not ashamed of it. it makes me feel freer.
Eight ways to win your heart.
1) be one of my best friends.
2) call me just to talk about nothing.
3) give me small things when i'm least expecting it.
4) show up on my doorstep one day, and take me for a drive.
5) be able to "get" me.
6) make me laugh.
7) hug me all the time.
8) love me.
Seven things that cross your mind a lot
1) friends
2) family
3) boys
4) love
5) music
6) politics
7) life.
Six things you wish you never did
1) i wish
2) i had
3) no regrets.
4) but instead
5) my regrets are too big
6) for these 6 slots.
Five turn offs
1) mean
2) being ignored
3) lying
4) over-competitiveness
5) close-minded.
Four turn ons
1) funny
2) cute
3) smart
4) caring.
Three smileys that describe your life
1) ^_^
2) =D
3) o___O
Two things you want to do before you die
1) find something i'm amazing at and go for it.
2) be happy.
One confession1) i don't know where i stand right now in life.
1) i thought i knew you, but i guess i really don't. what you did disgusts me.
2) i think we could be amazing friends; but i'm too scared of getting close only to be hurt.
3) thank you for being there. always. i love you. <3
4) sometimes, you don't think too well. c'mon. i'm leaving you enough hints, aren't i?
5) i thought we were best friends, but i guess not.
6) i would give anything to have you think about me more often than you actually do.
7) you're amazing the way you were, not the way you've become.
8) this may surprise you, but you are one of the first people who's actually cared in a long while.
9) sometimes, i miss you so much my heart wants to burst from hurting. i miss you.
10) i'm sorry.
Nine things about yourself.
1) i get nervous really easily.
2) when i get nervous, (which happens easily), my hands sweat a lot.
3) i've lost all my work drive this past year, and i now have nothing to fight for.
4) i used to dream of becoming an award-winning author, but then reality kicked in. i don't really have any dreams anymore.
5) i love having discussions with people; the feeling of two minds connecting powerfully is a moment i love.
6) i hate how superficial myspace and facebook make the world, yet i can't seem to pry myself from them anyway.
7) i'm kind of a romantic, which doesn't go over too well in these adolescent years, where everything is about sex or "getting some."
8) i'm a selfish person. i wish i gave more.
9) i cry a lot, and i'm not ashamed of it. it makes me feel freer.
Eight ways to win your heart.
1) be one of my best friends.
2) call me just to talk about nothing.
3) give me small things when i'm least expecting it.
4) show up on my doorstep one day, and take me for a drive.
5) be able to "get" me.
6) make me laugh.
7) hug me all the time.
8) love me.
Seven things that cross your mind a lot
1) friends
2) family
3) boys
4) love
5) music
6) politics
7) life.
Six things you wish you never did
1) i wish
2) i had
3) no regrets.
4) but instead
5) my regrets are too big
6) for these 6 slots.
Five turn offs
1) mean
2) being ignored
3) lying
4) over-competitiveness
5) close-minded.
Four turn ons
1) funny
2) cute
3) smart
4) caring.
Three smileys that describe your life
1) ^_^
2) =D
3) o___O
Two things you want to do before you die
1) find something i'm amazing at and go for it.
2) be happy.
One confession1) i don't know where i stand right now in life.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
honesty.
i just spent three hours talking to my best friend about life. i hadn't talked to her in much too long; had a heart-to-heart like that, and i'm so glad we did. she opened my eyes about a lot of things going on in both our lives right now, some of which was tough and made me cry because it was so honest.
honesty is a funny thing. it cuts to your core as a human being; it can chop you down so far; it can set you free from bounds; yet it can bind you. honesty. honesty is truthfulness and sincerity.
it is said that "the truth shall set you free." but it didn't say anything about it not hurting along the way to freedom.my friend really helped me realize a lot of the things that are going on my life tonight. she was honest, and it hurt, but i am forever grateful to her for it. i needed to hear those truths, instead of the lies everyone else, and myself, are being feeded with.i hope someone in your life cares that much about you - so much that they'll be honest with you even though they know it may be painful.
goodnight, dears.
<3
honesty is a funny thing. it cuts to your core as a human being; it can chop you down so far; it can set you free from bounds; yet it can bind you. honesty. honesty is truthfulness and sincerity.
it is said that "the truth shall set you free." but it didn't say anything about it not hurting along the way to freedom.my friend really helped me realize a lot of the things that are going on my life tonight. she was honest, and it hurt, but i am forever grateful to her for it. i needed to hear those truths, instead of the lies everyone else, and myself, are being feeded with.i hope someone in your life cares that much about you - so much that they'll be honest with you even though they know it may be painful.
goodnight, dears.
<3
Thursday, November 22, 2007
happy thanksgiving, world.
today is the day we give thanks for the gifts we've been given in this life. people these days rarely take the time to stop and give thanks for all the things they have; instead, they rush past and demand more, instead of appreciating what they have. i admit it, i'm like this a lot. earlier today, i was feeling unthankful to the world, thinking what did i have to give thanks for. i have no real talents, the things that mean the most to me have all left me behind, and i'm going nowhere in my life - what do i have to be thankful for?
duh jordan.
what about the people who have broadened your horizons into worlds that you did not know existed? the people who have come into your life, and stayed there? the people who can make you smile without even trying? the people who understand without you having to explain? the people who remember you even when you're gone? what about the people who love you?
duh jordan.
these things are the things that give me the strength to make it through the days; without them, i would be nowhere. so this thanksgiving, i am giving thanks to all those people. you know who you are.
happy thanksgiving, world. i hope you're thankful for someone, or something, in your life.
<3
duh jordan.
what about the people who have broadened your horizons into worlds that you did not know existed? the people who have come into your life, and stayed there? the people who can make you smile without even trying? the people who understand without you having to explain? the people who remember you even when you're gone? what about the people who love you?
duh jordan.
these things are the things that give me the strength to make it through the days; without them, i would be nowhere. so this thanksgiving, i am giving thanks to all those people. you know who you are.
happy thanksgiving, world. i hope you're thankful for someone, or something, in your life.
<3
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
oh, it is love.
love
1a: strong affection for another based on kinship ties. b: affection based on sexual desire. c: affection based on admiration or benevolence.
2: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion.
3a: unselfish loyal concern for the good of another. b: a person's adoration of God.
4: an emorous episode.
5: to feel affection.
So many people have asked the world the unanswerable question: what is love? According to the dictionary, love is a strong affection for another based on kinship ties, an affection based on sexual desire, or even affection based on admiration or benevolence. Some people say it's the best feeling in the world; a feeling so beautiful that words can't even come close to describing it. Others say it's when two hearts, minds, and bodies connect for life in forever infatuation.
But love isn't those things. Love is yours. You are the one who defines what love is in your life; what it means to you. How do you define love, you say? Maybe you use words. Maybe you use music. Maybe you don't even define it, just because you like it being undefinable. But however you do it, love will be yours.
How do I define love? I've thought long and hard about my definition; it's constantly changing, and probably always will.
Love to me is when I hear the intro to my favorite song; when I read the beautiful words penned by great minds on paper; when a little girl smiles, and the whole world is blinded in awe; when clouds roll leisurely across an endless sky; when someone calls me because they miss me; when i can barely breathe from laughing so hard; when i'm onstage pouring my all my heart and soul into a performance; when the sky glows as the sun sets peacefully on the day; when the fireflies come out and dance the night away. This is what love is to me.
love is now yours to define. what is love to you?
1a: strong affection for another based on kinship ties. b: affection based on sexual desire. c: affection based on admiration or benevolence.
2: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion.
3a: unselfish loyal concern for the good of another. b: a person's adoration of God.
4: an emorous episode.
5: to feel affection.
So many people have asked the world the unanswerable question: what is love? According to the dictionary, love is a strong affection for another based on kinship ties, an affection based on sexual desire, or even affection based on admiration or benevolence. Some people say it's the best feeling in the world; a feeling so beautiful that words can't even come close to describing it. Others say it's when two hearts, minds, and bodies connect for life in forever infatuation.
But love isn't those things. Love is yours. You are the one who defines what love is in your life; what it means to you. How do you define love, you say? Maybe you use words. Maybe you use music. Maybe you don't even define it, just because you like it being undefinable. But however you do it, love will be yours.
How do I define love? I've thought long and hard about my definition; it's constantly changing, and probably always will.
Love to me is when I hear the intro to my favorite song; when I read the beautiful words penned by great minds on paper; when a little girl smiles, and the whole world is blinded in awe; when clouds roll leisurely across an endless sky; when someone calls me because they miss me; when i can barely breathe from laughing so hard; when i'm onstage pouring my all my heart and soul into a performance; when the sky glows as the sun sets peacefully on the day; when the fireflies come out and dance the night away. This is what love is to me.
love is now yours to define. what is love to you?
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
i be jordan,
as i always have been.
who's jordan, you ask?
jordan's undefinable. she could be the misunderstood poet who's writing in her notebook over there; she could be the loved and happy-go-lucky teenager, living the perfect life; she could be the little girl holding a lollipop, her eyes shining so bright; she could be that wise old woman who gave up on wishing long ago; she could even be you. but whoever jordan may be, she's still me.
you may be thinking, "i don't get it. who are you?"
but the real question is:
who are you?
who's jordan, you ask?
jordan's undefinable. she could be the misunderstood poet who's writing in her notebook over there; she could be the loved and happy-go-lucky teenager, living the perfect life; she could be the little girl holding a lollipop, her eyes shining so bright; she could be that wise old woman who gave up on wishing long ago; she could even be you. but whoever jordan may be, she's still me.
you may be thinking, "i don't get it. who are you?"
but the real question is:
who are you?
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