demons.

We all have our demons;
those things that haunt us in our sleep.
And in order to be free of them,
we must become strong from weak.

I guess we all have parts of our lives that we don't like to talk about.
Some people call them secrets, or dark pasts, or skeletons in the closests,
but I call them something else: demons.
The demons in my life haven't surfaced for over a year now,
and for a while, I was starting to think that they had erased themselves from my life forever.
But in the past two weeks, my demons have come back - bigger and badder than before.
It's not really them, that much I know; but the illusion of them seems just as real.

I've been dreaming about them all the time now -
heart-pounding dreams that make me toss and turn and wake with a start.
The dreams are so vivid and so real;
So real, that I can't tell when my nightmares end and when reality begins again.

I've been seeing them everywhere, too;
standing and staring at me from the back of the auditorium at play practice;
watching me as i stand talking with a group of people after school;
eyeing me as they pass by on the streets of Iowa City.
It's not really them, I know; but they look so realistic I almost stop breathing.

But why? Why now? Why again? Why me?
I guess I have a good idea.
For the first time in a long time, I'm finally happy with where I am.
Last time I was happy like this, my entire life was pulled out from underneath my feet by them.
Now, I'm scared that the same thing is happening again.

I know it's just a bad dream;
a false sighting;
perhaps just a phase.
But still - I don't what I'll do if they come back again for real.
I really don't know.