i still remember;

the way i rang in the year 2007.

i was at sam niles' house, and everyone had plans except for me, sam, and elizabeth. so we congregated at sam's house and spent hours playing poker and spoons with her parents. we chowed down on puppy chow and cookie dough, and we watched disney channel's premeire episode of the replacements at midnight (the one with Zac Efron!:P). it was small, but it was nice.

i still remember 2007. i still remember...

i still remember that month of january; when sam brooks turned fourteen, and she had a bunch of us girls over (we called ourselves the nerd posse). when i was happy, because i had found the best friends i could ever possibly have. <3 when i felt like i could take on anything, as long as they were by my side.


i still remember that month of febuary; when sam niles and i went to state speech contest and fell in love, pledging to join the next year. when our nerd posse, looking so happy on sam's couch the month before, began fighting over the stupidest things, like state basketball and boys, like we never had before. when i cared too much about what other people might be saying about me, instead of holding my head up high and not caring at all.


i still remember that month of march; when we went to district history day and blew our judges and audience away, and advancing on to state competition. when our nerd posse was involved in more of a fued than ever, and when our friendship began breaking apart. when i began to question myself and my decisions in life.


i still remember that month of april; when our posse was barely on speaking terms with some of its members. when i met sam dorrance at the high school play. when we went to state history day and our judges didn't even bother paying attention to what we had to say, ignoring us, and definitely not marking us down for run-offs. when we started a new friendship with a girl named brianne. when life was fun to live; except for the snide comments made by "friends."


i still remember that month of may; when i found out i was moving, and i cried for hours and hours. when we tried our mock trial case at the court house. when our posse was two members less than it had been before. when we made up for our lack of two members by inviting nicole's boyfriend to our first boy-girl movie night. when i gave my heart to five special girls, trusting them not to break it; and they still haven't. <3


i still remember that month of june; when my friends and i graduated from junior high, excited for our lives in high school. when i went to my first show at the waverly skatepark. when i went paintballing for the first time with the sams. when megan cotter and i wore snazzy sunglasses together. when elizabeth and i broke it down at the library dance, and joked around with dan like in the good old days. when elizabeth made me the most heartfelt going away present ever, and i cried tears of joy, and sadness, and laughter when reading it. when i said goodbye to wavetown and moved to cedar falls. when i sent sam dorrance a pizza, and was oddly introduced to what high school would be like. when i stopped caring what other people thought, and when i started being ME.


i still remember that month of july; when summer was in full blast, and when most of my days were spent working on our house. when RAGBRAI came through cf. when i spent a tortorous week at my grandma's in north dakota with her and my mom. when i wrote poetry everyday to keep myself from crying too much more. when i felt so alone some days that all i could do was wait for someone to rescue me from this new and strange life...but no one did.


i still remember that month of august; when we went to lost island and met sam niles' friends from clear lake. when our nerd posse had our last party for the summer. when school at NU started. when i went to waverly's first school dance. when i met classy peeps at my first high school party. when i started to feel introverted, and i kept more to myself than ever before.


i still remember that month of septemer; when school play auditions were held, and i was one of the two freshmen to get a part. when homecoming came and went. when i went to my second show ever, played at the hearst center, and when i learned the meaning of good music. when school seemed stupid, and i just kind of gave up on caring. when i only gave half my best because it got me by. when every day seemed the same. when i never opened up because i got the feeling that no one would want to listen to what i had to say.


i still remember that month of october; when i went to some waverly football games, and after seeing people i loved, felt better overall. when play practice was in full swing. when i got to see a long lost friend after many years of separation. when i felt the first tremors of a strong
connection with several people; people i'm glad to now call my friends.


i still remember that month of november; when i went to see waverly's beauty and the beast musical. when my school play premeired, and (most) of the people that mattered to me most were there to support me <3. when our posse had our first party since that august, and we ran to fareway in the dark, skipping down streets and being ourselves. when i turned 15, and felt absolutly no different than before. when i realized that i hadn't been giving my all anymore, and i tried harder at school. when i began to educate myself again by reading more and getting online less. when i started to care again; a feeling i had missed.


i still remember this month of december; when i made the cut for the NU reader's theatre speech team. when i started bonding more with people, instead of keeping to myself. when i realized how important my family was to me. when christmas came, as did the relatives, and went. when i started doing more with my life. when i decided that i was going to start writing again. when i started being more happy, in general. when i finally felt like i belonged again. <3


at the beginning of this year, i was so much more different than i am now. a gawky junior high kid that didn't think more than two days in advance, and only then about things like celebrities and friendship fights. now, i'm still kind of gawky, but i'm a freshman in high school. i know what path i want to take in life, and which ones i don't. i care about people and things that are important to me, and i don't let other people's decisions change mine. this year has taught me to be a stronger person. it's taught me to care, to be nice, to be there for those who need me; but most of all, it's taught me to love. i hope 2008 can keep it up.