state speech;

actually kinda sucked. i didn't have nearly as much fun as i did at districts.

it may have been because i got up at 4.30 and got on the bus an hour later for a two-hour drive.
or that i felt physically sick for a good part of the day.
or maybe because people kept making a big deal out of something that i didn't care about, acting as if i did.
or because the gym was so crowded, and some people got pissed if you even came near them.
or that...

yeah.

whatever.

so anyway, our actual performance went pretty well. we didn't do as well as we did at the lamppost on fridaynight, but we were still pretty good, apparantly. a lot of people i cared about were there, and lots of them told me we did well :]

then as i was sitting in the audience to watch another reader's theatre, one of the judges got out of her chair while the next group was setting up and came over to me and told me that she "really liked your elephant; in fact, your whole piece was very well done."

!!!!!!!!!!

we ended up getting straight ones, and we'll find out on monday if we made all-state or not. it would be so amazing to go, but i'll be fine even if we don't. i had a lot of fun performing it, and it means a lot to me that the audience liked it.

so anyway, i spent most of the day wandering around aimlessly, instead of actually doing anything. when i did talk or do anything with anyone, it was mostly with mason or tad, or with nicole and sambrooks. sure, some fun things happened (like running away from the stalker, or chasing the hug guys, or playing jesus hackysack, or talking with nicole and faithe and sam and liz like i hadn't in forever, or actually PERFORMING), but most of the day i didn't do anything but sat and existed.

i spent the whole day pretty much feeling awkward; and it sucked a lot. the times i was happiest the entire day was when our reader's theatre team was warming up/unifying outside our performance room, and then later on when we found out we got three ones and did this amazing hug-screamy-happiness-thingy in the gym. i loved those moments and how i felt; and i wish i could have felt like that the whole day.

meh.

for some reason, being at state speech reminded me of how much has changed. how much people are changing. how much i'm changing. and i want more than anything for it to stop.