just because i am silent doesn't mean i'm not listening.

from midnight to four p.m. yesterday, i did not talk.
at all.
day of silence.

and because i wasn't speaking, i listened to everyone around me; what they said to me and what they said to others.

"what you're doing is really cool."
"yeah...i would do that silence thing, but i could never not talk for that long."
"i support your views, but i feel like you should speak out for your opinions, not be silent for them."
"oh, that day of silence thingy is today? i was going to do that, but i forgot..."

but the best reaction?
when people looked at the slip of paper i offered them, nodded, and didn't say anything at all.
for the rest of the day.

i recruited five people by being silent. but i took crap from a lot more.

people tried to get me to talk just to say that i broke my silence. for no other reason than for the fun of it.

"hey jordan, what's your favorite color?"
"jordan, why aren't you talking today?"
"how was the math test, jordan?"

they didn't seem to realize that i wasn't like that. that i would break away from something i really cared about so easily. that i would break away from something like that at all.

so then people would fill my silence with their hate. hate of people who are different, and hate for me for supporting them. just hate.

hate.
hate.
hate.

their words were venomous, and they stung. they were false, untrue, made-up. people took advantage of my silence and broke it. it shattered around me as they threw their rocks of hate towards me, taunting everyone who was silent that day.

"gay people are stupid. they deserve to die."
"all the gay people today aren't talking for some retarded gay right's thing or something."
"gays suck. they took over the rainbow and the unicorn. who said they could do that?"

but that's not even getting near anything they said.

people stood next to me and knew i was there, yet talked about me as if i weren't able to hear. they don't seem to get it - just because i am silent doesn't mean i'm not listening. they talked about my friends, me, our silence, people who are different - and they just didn't understand. they still don't understand. they will probably never understand.

they didn't listen to the silence.
all they did was break it.
with their hate.

but i, on the other hand, am pretty damn proud of myself for being silent yesterday. even when people threw their words at me. even when people taunted us and our beliefs. even when it felt like we weren't affecting anyone - that we weren't making a difference.

but in the end,
we did.
and it felt so good.

and i learned a lot of things from the experience, too - what my peers think, who really does care in the end, who will support you even if they don't support your cause. but the most important thing?

silence speaks even louder than hateful words.

at least,
it does to me.

and it will to you, too.

if you just listen.