perspective.

this year, i've started to think a lot more about things. things that i never really thought of before. things like

right and wrong.
yes and no.
lies and truths.
black and white.
crossing boundary lines and staying in them.

"is all that right? or is it wrong?"
"are those lies or truths that you tell me?"
"what shade is your thinking, black or white?"
"how far will you go until you cross those carefully-drawn boundary lines? or will you even bother to stop at all?"

this year, thoughts like these have swamped my brain.
i'm scared.
i'm scared that

by being wrong
by answering incorrectly
by not being truthful
by being the wrong shade
by accidently crossing the acceptable line

that i'm hurting someone.
maybe even myself.

but what really drives me crazy is the fact that you can't just be "right" or "wrong."
"right" to one person is "wrong" to another.
everything depends on your perspective.
your way of looking at things.
and everyone's perspective is different.

to one person, i'm right.
to another, i'm wrong.
yes.
no.
lies.
truth.
black.
white.
over the line.
behind the line.

it all depends on your perspective.
which is partly of what screws us all up in the world.
because sometimes, we listen to other's perspectives and don't listen to our own.
and lately, that's what feels like is happening to me.

i'm so screwed up in trying to do

what's right,
and answering right,
and telling the truth,
and walking carefully without crossing the line,
and being a single shade in a black&white world,

that i've lost my own perspective.

because i'm so busy trying to fill everyone else's expectations of

right
yes
truth
shade
lines

that i don't even have my own perspective anymore.

my own way of looking at things.
my own voice for explaining them.
my own thoughts to process them.

instead, all i hear is everyone else's perspective.

right.
wrong.
yes.
no.
lies.
truth.
black.
white.
over the line.
behind the line.

and i've lost my own.
i've lost my own.