my own "magic flying" glass.

Once upon a time, a reallyreally good friend of mine told me a story about this "magic flying" glass. This glass took everything terrible in someone's life and magnified it so large that everything in that someone's life was blown completely out of proportion. This "magic flying" glass then zoomed in and focused in on only the bad things in that someone's life. And until they removed the "magic flying" glass themselves, all that someone would ever do is sit and stare at those zoomed-in, blown-up, bad problems. My "magic flying" glass used to do that - I would sit and look through it for hours, crying because I thought my life was terrible. Because I thought no one could ever understand. Because I thought I had it so much worse than everyone else. My "magic flying" glass used to only focus on these things:

-My mom hasn't called in two weeks. Not because she's busy. She hasn't cared about me or my life for a long time.
-I feel myself growing farther and farther apart from my dad everyday. He has his dogs and I have my friends now. But I miss him terribly. We haven't talked like we used to in months.
-Some of my best friends have been angry with me lately, and all I can do is sit here, because I don't even know what they want from me anymore.
-Several of my friends have let themselves down by giving into addictions to drugs and alcohol. Others of them have let themselves down by making other not-so-great decisions; decisions I myself can barely watch them make.
-Someone I once really cared about didn't treat me the best. Maybe it was due to oblivion, but it still hurt. It hurt even worse when I found out that they, in addition to caring for me, also cared for one of my best friends. That may have been a while ago, but it still hurts.
-Last year, I left behind my hometown and best friends to come to a new place where I knew absolutely no one.
-I spent several weeks, even months, at my new school this year not talking to anyone. Being the wallpaper. Crying because I missed my old place and because I felt like I didn't have one here. I have never felt so alone in my life as I did then.

But then one day, I moved my "magic flying" glass over. Just a bit. Then a little bit farther. I nudged it off even farther and farther, until the words underneath it weren't magnified anymore. Until the problems that had lied under it weren't zoomed-in on anymore. Until I could see clearly again. And then I saw. I saw that:

-My mom may not care enough about me to call, but I have plenty of other people in my life that I know do care - my dad, my step-mom, my sisters, my friends. However, I'm going to visit my mom at my grandma's house late this summer - maybe then, things will change for better.
-Today being Father's Day, I spent the whole day (minus a few phone conversations) with my dad. We still didn't open up to each other like we used to, but it's a start. And in order to fix things, you've got to start somewhere.
-Some friends may be angry with me, but I still love them, and I will still love them no matter what happens. As for now, I'm going to keep moving forward in life - and when they decide they want to talk everything out, I'll be here, waiting.
-Those friends of mine that have addictions also have their own lives. They, and they alone, can live those lives. If that means throwing away their morals, so be it. Drugs and alcohol are personal life choices. Those may be their life choices, but they aren't mine. But even though I don't agree with their choices, I still care about those people, and I'll stick by them as much as I can.
-That person that I really cared for may have wronged me, but they taught me a lot. Because of what happened, I'm stronger. Wiser. More cautious. And now I'm ready to take on whatever may be coming up next.
-I may have left behind a good town and a great set of friends, but here I have a snazzy house that I adore, a slightly more urban town, really good new friends, a pretty good school, and a Walgreens within walking distance. Plus, I still have my great set of friends from my old town, and in a strange way, I feel like I still have my old town as well.
-Being completely alone in those first weeks of school taught me more than anything or anyone else ever had - more than when my mom had cancer. More than when my parents divorced. More than when I moved. More than any of the great people I've met in my life had ever taught me. More than any teachers could ever try to teach me. Being so utterly alone then taught me who cared enough to reach out a hand - who cared enough to be a friend. Being alone taught me who my real NU friends are. It taught me that you'll always have a place - you just have to find it. And maybe sometimes, you need to make your own. But most of all, that experience taught me that everything will be okay - and so far, it has been.

I saw all of that. And I saw that really, my life isn't that bad. My "magic flying" glass had actually been deceiving me. Not only that, but it had been covering up a bunch of really good things. Things like:

-I've got a great "home-base" made up of my dad, Shari, my cat Copper, and my dogs Bonnie and GiGi, all of whom are great listeners and are the best family I've ever had.
-I have amazing friends who've taught me what the word "care" really means.
-It's summer, and I'm relieved to be free from the stress of school.
-I'm really quite super excited for some summer plans that my friends and I are going to put into action, such as going camping, partying, sleepovers, etc.
-I've been introduced to several new people and new things this year, which I fully appreciate and am thankful for.
-I've started writing more - and according to some people, I'm apparantly pretty good. =D
-According to my GPA, I'm actually kind of...smart?
-I'm really excited about taking holga pictures - in fact, I'm really interested in photography in general right now, and I'm eager to try some stuff out this summer.
-I'm actually planning on getting my permit soon.
-I've been blessed to be in a safe household that hasn't been hit by any tornadoes/floods/any other natural disasters.
-I'm usually having a good time. All the time.

It turns out that my "magic flying" glass really isn't all that magic after all. In fact, I think it's broken. It's been helping me feel sorry for myself, when I have no need to be. It's been magnifying my problems, when really, they're quite miniscule in the whole grand scheme of things. It's been focusing in on only the bad, when it has so many good things to zoom in on. It's been focusing on "Jordan has a terrible life", when really, I have a great life.

I have a great life.
And I didn't even realize it, thanks to that no-good "magic flying" glass.

Thanks, Sam Brooks. For helping me move my own "magic flying" glass.