right now, i feel;

like complete and utter crap.

there aren't any words for me to describe my feelings right now - i'm mad, sad, devastated, disappointed, angry, furious, dissatisified, let down, terrible, and any and all in between. i have the worst headache possible in the world, and my heart feels like its being smashed by a hammer into a jillion little pieces. how's that for a description?

i've waited. you build me up, then let me down. i'm sick of it, but i won't do anything about it. i don't know if it's because i'm too scared; or if i just really can't.

haha, i'm even so pathetic that i've earned the pity of those who won't even give me the time of day normally.

i feel kind of sick, like when you get off the silly silo after going around and around and around multiple times, and stuffing your face full of carmel corn, and then sitting down and feeling like you're going to vomit. that's how i feel right now. funny how i never thought i'd let someone hurt me that much.

but don't mind me. this is just another angst-fueled blog posted by one angsty teen. i'll probably regret typing all this at some point later on, but i right now, i don't freakin care. like i said to bri earlier: "i can be sad any time i freakin' want!" but then i realized that although i may be able to make myself be sad any time i want, i'm unable to prevent it sometimes.

really wanting a hug,
jordan.