truth 2.0;

some people have told me that they thought that my previous truth blog was too vague and couldn't find themselves on it. i thought about it and re-wrote it, condensing it to those closest to me/to those who i really truly wish i could say something to, and writing more about each particular person. i think i like it better this way, and as i was re-writing some of these, i realized i would always have new truths i wish i could tell people. so who knows; maybe i'll make this a regular type of post. maybe not. but for now, read on. and i've decided that i will tell you which one is yours if you ask; truths were, after all, meant to be told. [note: i will not reveal who was who on my previous truth blog, however. sorry guys.]


1) once upon a time, we lived in a world where we were pirates and being stupid and blonde was fun. then something happened. we don't live like that anymore. i'm not quite sure if i miss you or if i even miss what we had - it's more like i just have moved on. sometimes i say that i hate you; but those words seem too strong. i guess it's more like i hate what you've become; and that i wish everything could be like it was before.

2) you've been my candle in the darkness; you've help me see the light. you've been there for me through everything. i can sign on to AIM at one in the morning, sobbing my eyes out, and you'll be there, waiting for me, listening to me, still loving me. you always forgive me, even when i screw up in the worst ways. one day, i asked why you forgave me. i will never forget what you said: "because, jordan; friends are supposed to understand." you're my best friend, forever. i love you. <3

3) when we first became friends, i felt a strong connection between us. you helped me let down my guard, and i did. i gave you a piece of my heart that day, but you passed it on and broke it. because of that, i don't let down my guard as easily anymore. i just want you to know that i miss you, though. i miss what we used to have together, all the good times and memories. maybe someday we can rebuild what's left and be friends again...but i don't think we'll ever have what we used to.

4) you're the worst kind of person there is. i can't stand the way that you knowingly take advantage of my friend's emotions and toy with her heart. we used to be able to talk about anything, but you've changed. i know now you don't actually care, and it makes me wonder if you ever did.

5) i have not forgotten you; i don't think i ever will. i'm sorry for not giving you a chance. i know you'll never read this, but i miss you lots and lots. sometimes i wonder how different life would be if i had said "yes."

6) you're a beautiful person with a beautiful heart, but i don't think you have any idea. i know we don't know each other that well, but i love you with all that i have.

7) i never know what to think about you. telling you how i feel might have been my best decision or my biggest mistake this year. show me that it was the first one...please?

8) your post about me was the only one that made me cry. it's sad because it's so true. you have no idea how sorry i am that this has happened. i'm so sorry that i haven't tried harder to keep this going, and i'll fight even harder now; but i know that might not even make a difference. we may never have again what we had before, but that doesn't mean we still can't be friends. i love you so much, and i will forever remember our memories together. i miss you, and you will always remain in my heart as one of my very best friends. i love you. <3

9) you're one of the only people who has looked past my label this year to find the girl underneath, not to mention one of the only people who's actually cared this entire year. i'm so happy that you feel like you can talk to me about your problems, and i love the fact that you're looking out for me too.

10) i love the way you always understand what to say; or sometimes when its best not to say anything. we've had some of the best memories of my life together (in-infinitesimal memories!), ones that make me smile on the bad days, and you've always been there when i needed you the most. we can talk or do anything with each other and still have the best time. i adore the way i can come back after being gone, and you can still love me as if i had never left. right about now, though, i could really use one of your hugs - they make my world seem so much better. i miss you. i love you. <3

11) you're the strongest person i know. no one should ever have to go through what you and i have been through, but it has brought us closer together than ever. you're the only person who's been there all along the way. and even though sometimes you make me madder than can be, i still love you because i know you're doing what's right...even though its hard. thank you...for everything.

12) you're my ninnymuggins, and even though i hardly get to see you, i still love you. you have taught so much, and you've always been there for me to vent to. i can't imagine my life without having met you, and frankly, i don't want to imagine such a life. you make me smile without even trying, and if i hadn't met you that fateful day on those junior high steps, i don't know where i would be now. you've taught to me to love with my heart, and it's one of the most important lessons i've ever learned. i love how i can be all parts of myself around you, from crazy/stupid to serious/helpful. thank you. i miss you more than imaginable.

13) you're crazy, goofy, weird, and stupid - and that's why i love you. don't ever change. please.

14) i'm terribly sorry that you had to hear my true feelings that way. please know that i never wanted it to be like this. i'm so sorry. you're one of my very best friends, and you have no idea how much it means to me that you can tell me anything. i can always count on you to stand up for me wherever and whenever, and that means the world to me. we have had some of the best times together, even though we've only been friends for a few months. you love easily, which is part of what makes you so loveable, and i adore the way you can make me so happy just by being there. just know that i am worried for you, and i want you to look out for yourself. please be careful, and know that when worst comes to worst, i'll be here, waiting. i love you. <3

15) you have changed so much. i know you don't really know where you're going or what you're doing anymore, but can't you take advantage of what you have?

16) you're one of my heroes, although no one knows it. i look up to you, and ever since i've met you, i've wanted to be just like you. but we've grown apart lately, and i don't know what choices you may be making in your life. i just hope that they are the right ones.

17) i think of you as my other half sometimes - you're so goofy and crazy, and i love you for it. some of the best moments of my life have come about because of you, and i'm so happy to have met you. we've had some of the best times in the world together; laughing so hard our stomachs hurt; but we've also taken on the toughest kind of problems. you've shown me so much about life, more than you'll probably ever know, and i wish that i had the strength you have. you never fail to make me smile without even trying, and you make life the funnest it can possibly be. i love you. 3>

18) your silliness makes me smile endlessly, and even though we've known each other for a few years, we've only just started to bond. it makes me so unbelievably happy that you say that i inspire you; but what you don't know is that you inspire me, too. you're becoming one of my new best friends. i love you.

19) this is all your fault, and for that, i will never forgive you. i think about you a lot, and whenever i do, i can't stop crying. sometimes i hate you with all my heart, but at the same time, i just can't hate you. i can't love you, though, either; not after this.

20) i can't stop you from doing what i fear the most. i hope you're a good enough person to control your emotions, but even if you can't, i'm powerless against you. my heart rests in your hands, and you have the power to crush it and let it crumple. i hope you don't....but with me out of the way, you'll be able to get what you want. i want to believe that you won't, but i know that you will.

21) i've thought long and hard about what i wish i could tell you. the only thing i can think of? the truth.